Wow. It seems like it has been forever since I've written here.

Life has taken quite a few crazy turns in the past year.  Exactly one year ago we chose to get off birth control and start down the crazy road of parenthood. And since then we've had a half pregnancy followed by THE most stressful 64 days in the hospital, and we survived with our amazing baby in hand.  It's hard to believe that we've come so far with her.  I can now understand when people say they can't imagine life without their kids.  It's hard for me to remember life feeling full and complete without her. She has made us feel complete .

I won't lie, this journey has been far from smooth.  The first 6 months of my pregnancy was perfect.  No heartburn. No crazy cravings. No sickness. No nothing negative. And then everything went wrong.  I was planning a drug free water birth and instead was shipped into an OR and filled with drugs and got a c-section.  I never wanted Ryleigh to have formula but she needed it being so preemie.  I desperately wanted to breastfeed and its the one thing she won't do.  

Somedays I can't help but let all the hardships sink in and let them overwhelm me.  

Here I am on a beautiful vacation with our family and I'm on the verge of tears.  

I've always felt likes don't belong and I still catch myself feeling that way from time to time.  I'm so much younger than his family and I wasn't best friends with all of them growing up.  Makes infiltrating difficult.  Yes, I know they love me and they want me around but sometimes I just want to crawl away and hide and hope they don't find me.  
It doesn't help that I'm still struggling with my weight and body images and they are all tiny in comparison to me, and they always want picturs together and I end up looking like a whale next to them.


Maybe I'm just complaining, but it's one of those days.

I think I need some space. 

Is it seriously June 6th already?


This year has gone by so fast and its only beginning to pick up speed.  In exactly 40 days, we will cross the threshold from dating to married. :)  SUPER excited!  


We have so much going on it seems like we haven't gotten to catch our breaths.  Whew.


Even on weeknights we are obnoxiously busy.  Between full days at work, massage, garden time and trying to keep a handle on this house, where is the time?  


But this weekend will be great!  
This weekend is Jerrod's cousins wedding in Santa Rosa, and we are leaving Friday after I get off work ( even though I'm getting off early, still a long drive)  And we are staying in an AMAZINGLY beautiful hotel, which is where the wedding is located, which will be nice for the night of the wedding.  I am super excited!  I haven't spent much time in California, so this makes me happy to actually get to leisurely drive down the coast and enjoy it all. :)


Well this is all for now, I need to update this more regularly, and post some pictures, eventually :)




F&A
Chelsea

Whew, can I just have a second to catch my breath?

We are down to 46 days, sounds crazy to me.

I'll write more later, trying to catch up. :)