Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Two weeks into fall and its 91 degrees.
What happened to the days when right after labor day, the crisp winds blew in, and the air gets cooler.
The sun warms the midday but when the sun starts to set the cool night air blows in, forcing us to wear sweatshirts and jeans. 
Those are my favorite times of the year.
I love wearing my peacoats and scarves with jeans and comfy grandma shoes. 
I am ready for those days. 
Can they just be here yet?

On another note:
I am the happiest I've been in a long time.
Lately all the stress of my state boards and wedding and weight have been wearing my down into this creature that wasnt me.

I was irritable and grouchy and short temperd.  Everything seemed to make me either get mad or cry.
I felt like I was on this teeter totter of emotions and it was weighing me down.
Jerrod was noticing it, and I kept saying it was stress, hoping that I was right.

I got to a point when I thought, Am I depressed? 
Do I have a problem? 

There were a few nights that after studying till my brain felt like it melted that I would go into our bedroom to watch some movie or some show, that I would find myself wimpering and crying to myself.
I was afraid to let Jerrod in.
I was afraid I was turning into someone that he would want.
Someone that he could'nt love.

It doesnt help that all the pressure of getting married is starting to sink in.
Its the one day that you are supposed to be beautiful.
But when I look in the mirror, I dont feel beautiful.
I dont know if I've ever felt that way when I look at my reflection.

I've never been skinny, never been a size two.
Sure he says he loves me the way that I am, but sometimes there's part of me that wonders, 'would he love me more if I was skinnier'
I know that these aren't healthy thoughts by any means.

What I never understood was, I eat healthy, I'm active. What happened.

Then there comes the wedding dress.
Brides are supposed to be in the best shape of their lives.
They are supposed to be breathtaking in their dresses. 
Will I feel that way when I find my dress?
Will I feel the way that you're supposed to?
I pray that I do.
Everyday I pray that I will look into the mirror and see a beautiful person staring back at me.

Trust me.
Ever since I took my test and that stress was dissolved, I feel so much better. 
I slept the best I have in weeks last night.  I fell asleep early and stayed asleep.
Up until the test date, I was having a hard time sleeping, tossing and turning for hours.
But I slept AMAZING. It was so wonderful waking up this morning.

Also I feel like the woman that I'm supposed to be.  I am going to be a succesful LMT. I am going to be a wonderful wife, and an amazing mother when that time comes.

Lately we've even been talking about kids. I give Jerrod about a year and a half until he's ready.
We were laying in bed last Sunday, discussing our future.  We realized that we're ready to have a family. And a dog alone doesnt count.
We are thinking about waiting to get a dog till after the wedding, just for the sake of the puppy.
We didnt want to have to ask someone to puppysit a 10 month old lab. who knows what kind of damage that would do to another persons house.

Wow, this is getting alot longer then I expected. 
Its time for bed, I have a few more episodes of Bones to watch.

And to leave you with an adorable picture of a BloodHound puppy.  Who will be named Copper.

Imma hound dog. aru ru ru ru.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Today I made an appt for Davids Bridal. EEEEKKK!
I know that the moment that I try on those beautiful dresses that it will truely sink in that

I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!!!

Even though we're planning things and getting the day figured out, i think its still kind of surreal to me. I couldnt imagine it any other way.  Jerrod and me and grown up so much in the past two years, and grown together in a way that has entertwined our hearts. 

So far we have these things booked/planned:
-Tables and Chairs
-Table decorations
-Save the Dates/Invitations

We know somewhat how we're going to have the bridal party dress, the boys in Tux's and the girls in some dress, one I havent quite decided on.
I have chosen a photographer but need to nail down the date. :)
And we still have to nail down the 'bar' portion of the wedding, we know we are going to rent one of those keg trailors that have a cooler on one side, so we can store wine and other things in there.
Hmmm.... What else am I missing...

So off to another topic:

Jerrod had to work late last night, so I thought that after Zumba I would be a good house wife and make him a sweet treat, so I wipped up some mini cherry cheesecakes as a suprise. Welp, he didnt work as long as he said, so he got home early, right in the middle. So it wasnt as much of a suprise as I had hoped but he was grateful for the gesture. :)

Here they are! :) Dont they look delicious?
If not you're crazy! They are amazing, and even though I forgot that they needed to cool down with the oven and I took them out so their tops fell a little, and sunk in. But they taste the same as they would if you would have let them cool slowly. :) O-Well!

After reading a dear friend of mines rant about maritial problems being blasted on facebook. AH. I feel the same. Since when is it the worlds problem that you are having a disagreement with your spouse.  There are so many people that are putting these complaints on facebook to such a degree that it feels like they are fishing for attention.
Then there are other people that rant on facebook that doesnt bother me, that I find amusing and I love reading it. Maybe its the content of their rants that decide the difference. If you are fighting with your significant other, why are you on facebook updating your status? How about going back to the moment and trying to work through it and get over it, instead of telling the world. UGH
Ok over it. :) Done.

Haha I'm watching WifeSwap right now and its always guarenteed to make me laugh.  They always chose people who are polar opposites of eachother, today its a woodsy/outdoor family and a manhattan/billionair family. Bwahaha. She wore heels to chop firewood. :)

Alright. Off to study some pathology :)


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Home Preserving

This is almost my favorite time of year, I love when the weather startss to turn cool, and you need to wear a sweater and your slippers just to get your coffee from the kitchen.  It was nice and cold this morning when i got up and even colder the night before.  I can't wait to dust off my peacoats that are patiently waiting in the back of my closet, and get our my scarves and handwarmers. :)  I love fall. 

With the end of summer also brings its time for canning and freezing of goods.  So far this summer we have put away tuna, and fresh corn and tomatos. This weekend I am canning come tomatos with basil, some EVOO sauce (which is tomatos, garlic, basil, and olive oil)  and tomorrow I am going to make some pickled jalapenos with Jacque Swift. :) Super excited. She is going to teach me how to make them her way. Jerrod loves her jalapenos so this will be a good one to add to my recipe book. Hopefully I can remember to write it all down. 
Presto Canner
(Like the one I got)
All-American Canner
(Like my mom's, the one I want)
So we bought a canner this spring with the hopes that I'd learn to use it and be able to can on my own by fall, well we tried out this so called canner, which is totally different then the one that I grew up using, it was a Presto instead of an All-American, and it had weights instead of a pressure gauge.  I grew up watching  my mom can everything, from Venison to chili, to spaghetti to salsa to garlicky beans.  Mom canned everything, and I didnt appreciate all the hard work she put into this untill I started getting old enough to actually help her. Around age 11 I started helping with the actual process of preserving the food, and started to realize how rewarding it is.  To be able to go into your pantry and look at all the glass jars of delicious healthy food that you saved for your family is amazing.  I am so thankful that my mom canned and that I was able to learn these skills from her. Its amazing how little families home preserve anymore. Sure lots of people make jam or jelly, but very few go beyond that. Alot of people dont can their own meat or even their own sauce.  I have been lucky enough to have been fed homegrown food for almost my entire life, sure there are certain things that we have to get from the store because we just dont/cant make them, but for a large majority we have it ourselves. Ask any of my friends that have been in the pantry and they will attest to the variety of food that is in there. 

Whats so nice about it is, say one weekend you make a HUGE pot of spaghetti and I mean a huge pot, you take some out for dinner for a few nights, and then the rest you put into jars and can, and then someday down the road, all you have to do it pour whats in that jar into a pot, and you know that its going to taste great, unlike some of those jars of spag sauce you get from the store.  Maybe its just me but Prego just doesnt to it for me.  Also I great thing to can is chicken noodle soup. My mom will make a big pot just for canning so when we're sick we can have some good soup instead of some condensed soup with imitation chicken pieces. 

If anyone has ever had REAL canned Albacore instead of the pink stuff the try to convince you is tuna in the tiny metal cans, you will have a really hard time going back to that pink meat.  I dont even know the last time that I had tuna from a can, its just not the same. I guess you can call me spoiled, but I would rather spend the extra money on the real thing and spend the time putting it away so that I can have something thats healthier and better tasting. :) But thats just me.

Also on my food preserving list of things yet to do this winter are:
Can tomatos with/out basil
Can tomato sauce
Freeze anahiems
Freeze blackberries
Make apple juice
Plant garlic for next year ( something I'm extremely excited about)
And anything else I can get my hands on

I think I am going to have to save up to buy myself a canner with a pressure gauge, I've been thinking about it lately with my mom, and since its what I've grown up using, I think its what I want, and I will try to get the stupid Presto one fixed.  When we tried to use it a few weeks ago, we were waiting for the pressure to build inside and we noticed that it was leaking steam from all sorts of places, so hopefully its just the seal and that can be replaced. So hopefully we'll get it fixed and it can be my backup/second canner.

I think thats enough for now.  Now for some pictures!

Goodnight! :) F&A