Sunday, December 19, 2010


One word that can alter someones life so greatly.

It makes it hard to sleep. Eat.  Even breathe sometimes. 

Tonight I fall into all of the above categories.

I am stressing over getting all my bridesmaids into their dresses in time to order.  Making sure they all have enough money to get them. 
I'm stressing over everyday life.  Little things, like the house being a mess, money, work, laundry.  Things that arent worth stressing over, I am.
I am stressing over my stress level.  When I stress, my blood pressure sky rockets, and I know its hard on my body, and I have a dr. appt on Tuesday and I know they are going to check my blood pressure and tell me its too high, and ask me why and why i'm not on my meds anymore.  Because I am 22 and shouldnt have to be on blood pressure meds.  Come on what 22 year old is?  Its ridiculous. 

Stress is robbing sleep from me.

I need sleep.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

There was a woman in the shop that was talking about how she is a truck driver with her husband.  She said she has seen countless marriages fail when the couple decides to drive together.  She often asks the couples, are you friends.  Of course they respond, yes we love eachother very much. 

This is a common answer for this question.  She said she has to repeat the question.  Are you friends.  Best friends?  Most couples dont know how to answer.  She has a valid point.  People often  meet someone and become friends, but then they get lost in the lust and the chase of the relationship, and forget how to be friends with their lover.  They get caught up in sex and intimacy and all the emotions that serious relationships have.  When you are friends with someone you have different emotions, similar but they are invested differently.  You arent as concerned if you are going to ruin the rest of the night at the house, or if you are going to mess up your luck at getting laid.  When you are friends, you hang out and you then have your space. 
I have realized that I dont ever want to lose that friendship I have with him. 
I love that we can go on roadtrips or just hang out and make eachother laugh and be honest without cause for concern about hurting eachothers feelings. 
I feel for those who lose that friendship and get lost in the relationship.  How miserable would it be to be in love with your spouse but you dont like them?  Sure its easy to love someone but to like them is a whole new ball game. 
People blame love as some unsceen force that they have no control over, but you chose to get past the liking stage to get to love.  Don't regret love, every love that you experience, whether its platonic or intimate, shapes you.  It allows you to love in a new and different way.  Because every single person loves and likes differently. 

Even though it isnt something that goes along with my post, I will leave this with one of my favorite quotes

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Christmas is just a few days away, ten to be exact. To say the least I am excited. I think I'll post what I want for christmas!  And what i'm getting the rest of my family. :)

I want:

Candle by the Hour :)

Clark Un-Loop Shoes

I also want the Zumbda DVD's, a toblerone, Moulin Rouge on DVD and socks. :)

I got Jerrod this

Cabela's Wool Hunting Coat

I got mom a red 6qt crock pot with the cook and carry locking lid. She is going to be so excited!  I got Dillon a new comforter for his bed, its tan and cream and its a nice big queen size.  I hope he likes it.  Dad got a few chambry shirts and I am going to get him some suspenders and I got everyone a few movies. I still need to get some stocking stuffers for everyone.  I need to get Jerrod some underwear and some long johns.  I also need to get him a new alarm clock, so we dont have to listen to the obnoxious one that he has right now.

Thats all for now!

xoxo f&a

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


That's all I can say. 
I was ready for the work week, and Monday made it even better.  Jerrod stayed home, so we slept in till 9!!! The first time in months.  It was amazing, I felt great, and I love leisurely getting up instead of getting up at 5ish.  It was a nice start to the week.  So we relaxed, cleaned the kitchen, well I did.  Jerrod wasn't feeling too hot.  Not sure what he did, but his back is all kinds of messed up. 
Seems like his rhomboids and this erector spinae are out of whack.  I iced and worked it a little but it was still bound up, but luckily this morning it was relaxed and participating in everyday movements. 

I wish my camera wasn't dead right now, because I would love to show what my Christmas lights look like right now. They are fancy!  Jerrod got the kind that have the 16 different functions, so they change patterns, and flash and fade and what not.  Pretty exciting.  I've never had the fancy lights before, usually we just have the plain multi color ones.  I'm not going to lie, these lights are pretty nice, they are so flashy and bright.  We have it set where the red, blue and green all light up and fade at different times. So mesmerizing.

So yesterday we hung around the house, and watched the whole season of Axe Men on History Channel.  Not my most favorite show, but Jerrod sure does love it.  Part of me wonders if logging was a better business and more reliable, if he would rather do that.  He loves cutting trees and using his chainsaw.  Being in the woods is his most favorite place other then fishing in the water.  I think he was definitely born in the wrong time period.  He should have been born in the 40's where men were manly and took to the woods to make money for the family.  He would rather us grow our food and for us to hunt for our meat then go to the store and buy it any day.  We eat wild game more often then we eat store bought meat.  He wears suspenders and rigging pants on a daily basis.  It might be his rugged charm that I like the most. 

Anyways.  We were debating about dinner and what to have the rest of the week. Sometimes I feel that I am always the one deciding whats for dinner.  I have no problem making dinner most of the time, but I like some input.  So we decided on halibut burgers.  Its possibly the best way I've ever had halibut.  We took the halibut and put it in the food processor and added some seasonings, and then made them into patties and covered them in Italian bread crumbs.  we cooked them in a bit of oil just to make them crunchy but not totally fried.  Those served with some herb and butter rice, broccoli and homemade tarter sauce.  AMAZING.  They are sooo delicious, I would imagine people spending 20+ bucks for a dinner like that.    I vote everyone try this.  One of the greatest things about having fish for dinner is that Jerrod usually cooks it.  He is much better at cooking fish, mainly because I usually let him, and often over cook fish.  So when he cooks fish he usually does the whole meal. Which means I get to relax.  Except last night I made rice krispy treats for him.  Can you say messy?  I had to slather butter all over my hands just so I could press the treats down into the pan!  But smear a little peanut butter over them and it was a perfect end to a great day. 

It was soooo windy last night.  I woke up at about 230 because I could hear some kind of commotion going on outside, and i looked out the window and it was like the trees were made of taffy, just whipping around from side to side. 

Well today is uneventful.  I have to go pay rent in CJ, and finish up a packet out there, and sit at the shop for a few, then head home. 

Time to catch up on my reading.

xoxo f&a

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Whew this weekend was intense.

Lately we have been laying low, and we dont do alot on the weekends, which I love since we get to spend time together and work on us, which is better then the alternative, which is getting drunk, and then fighting. UGH.  

So we were planning on being kinda low this weekend, and then Thursday happened.  We were out in CJ  and on our way home we got a text from Donnie ( who is a friend of Jerrods) and he was down at the bar in Selma, so we stopped in and weren't planning on staying, but we had a few beers and played some pool, Jerrod drank more then me, so I drove us home.  Friday wasnt going to be much, we both had work, and he said some of the guys he worked with sold some wood so they could have a christmas party. Ok I'll explain this part, the county doesnt allow spouses and families to attend the christmas or holiday parties that they have for the employees, and alot of the guys think its stupid, so two of the guys sold a few cords of wood on their own time, so they could get some people down to Abbys for some pizza and beer.  So since they did all this on their own, Jerrod felt that he should go on down to the deli and hang out.  So we went down there thinking that it was going to be kinda lame, but it wasnt.  I met some of the wives, who are amazing. :)  But one thing led to another and they all got babysitters and we were headed to the Cedarwood! While we were there we saw a bunch of people with christmas sweaters on, and somehow we ended up with one for Jerrod and one for me!  Mine came from a girl we knew and she gave it to me, but Jerrod got his from someone he didnt know and was forced to give his phone number so the guy could get it backfrom him, not only did he get a sweater from the bar, he BORROWED IT! hahahahaahah. We had a blast, stayed till about 2 and then drug ourselves home. 

Lets just say that Saturday morning I felt like crap.  AND we were supposed to take engagement pictures at 2!  Thankfully it rain so we didnt have to make ourselves up and go to Jacksonville.  So we slept and lounged around all day untill about 4 then we got ourselves put back together and headed out to CJ for a ugly christmas sweater party.  Lots of drinks later and lots of vehicles in the mud, it was suddenly 3 am and it was time to head home. 

So this morning we were feeling pretty crappy but we still put our christmas lights up and we finished the tree and then spent the rest of the day lounging around. 

Whew, am I beat!  Definatly we're going to be taking it slow for the next few weeks.  We sure as hell can't do it like we used to! 

Well have a great night!  We're off to get cleaned up and head to bed.

xoxo f&a

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Homemade Mac&Cheese for Grown-Ups and other things

Today is going to be a GREAT day! 

There are so many things going on today, such as:
-Getting our christmas tree!
-Giving Dillon a massage
-LOOKING AT THE HOUSE!!! I am sooo excited, I really hope that the well and septic checks out so that we can move forth and see about prices and if we can afford it. :) 
It is such a cute house, a two story, 3 bed 2 bath on 6.2 acres.  Please?  I love that its far from town, and out in the woods.  I like that we could go out on our porch and wouldnt hear our neighbors talking.  That is one thing that I dont like about living in town.  I can always hear both our neighbors talking, yelling, slamming doors. UGH.  And I hate listening to them start that annoying jeep every morning, its obnoxiously loud.  I just want to live in the woods away from everyone. Is that crazy? 

But yesterday was a nice peacful day as well, I started on my obnoxious laundry pile, most of the clothes are things that need to be handwashed, which I think is on my list of things this morning, since I need to clean the clothes that we are going to wear on Saturday when we take our engagement pictures in Jacksonville.  But I also made some delicious Oatmeal Raisin cookies. YUM.  It was delicious. :) 

Last night I was going to take pictures while I was making my version of Mac&Cheese , but my camera was dead and I didnt feel like trying to take pictures with my old fashioned and then have to develop them.  So it will just have to happen another time.

But this mac&cheese was phenomenal.  It was filled with Fontina, Guryere, Extra Sharp Chedder and Bacon.  All melted together with heavy cream and some milk. 

I guess I'll share the recipe :)

Homemade Mac&Cheese for Grown-Ups

1 lb of Cellentani pasta.
3-5 oz of gruyere, fontina, and sharp white chedder, shredded.
1 lb of bacon, cut into small pieces
1/2 tsp mustard powder
1/2 tsp white pepper
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 tsp garlic ( if you want )
1 tsp salt, depending on taste more or less.
bacon drippings
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
1 pint of heavy whipping cream
1 cup milk
few handfuls of Italian Breadcrumbs

Preheat oven to 350

Start water for the noodles, add some salt and get those going.

In a separate frying pan, cook your bacon to a decent crisp, but not sooo crispy that they taste burnt.

While your waiting for the bacon and the noodles to finish, its time to shred that cheese, and it takes some time, this is when I call Jerrod back into the kitchen to help! Once shredded, set aside

Once the noodles are al dente, which means that they still have some firmness but not crunchy,  drain and let sit in strainer untill we're ready for them.

So your bacon should be about done, scoop the bacon out and let them drain on a paper towel, but dont get rid of the drippings, we'll be using them in a few min.

Take the pot that you cooked your noodles in, and place back on medium heat and put the butter and bacon drippings in and get it all melted.  Once its all melted, add the flour and whisk the 'roux' and let it cook for about 10 min.  we want it to go from a whitish color, to a nice tan.  While your wisking you can add some black pepper and some salt.  Once the roux has thickened and turned to a nice light brown, add the heavy cream.  Keep whisking! Its important! 

Now add the mustard, white pepper, and salt.  I added some garlic to it, but thats just me.  Taste and see how it is.  If decent add the cheese.  And once thats all mixed up, add the noodles and stir it up.  Taste. If it works for you, good. If not fix it. :) 

Once it tastes good, stir in 1/2 of the bacon.  Now pour this delicious cheesy mixture into a 9X13X2 glass pan.  Sprinkle the remaining bacon on top and the breadcrumbs on top. 

Throw it into the oven and cook for about 30 min. 

Dig in! We made this during the summer, and it was even better with fresh tomato, but since its winter now we didnt have any. Still great though!

xoxo f&a

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dec. 8

So I have decided that I feel so much better when I let all this junk out when I write on here, and hopefully I will convince myself to do this more.

Today I have lots of house cleaning to do, along with laundry and the possibility of making some cookies with ash! =)  She wants to make some sugar cookies, and we'll use my mom's famous recipe, because she has it goin on when it comes to cookie making.  I think I'll also make some Oatmeal Raisin cookies that I found on this other blog, and they are amazing. I made them last week sometime, and they have now been chosen as the forever recipe for Oatmeal Raisin.   Thats something that we've been doing everytime I make a new kind of cookies or dessert of some sort.  We try new kinds untill we find one that we really like, and then we make that new recipe our 'family'  recipe. We were thinking that since we are a young family, we need to have some of the staples figured out by the time we have kids.  Which we dont deny might be in our near distant future.

But today when Jerrod gets home we are going to go to the store and buy some christmas lights and a tree stand, and all the other extras that we dont have so that we can set our christmas tree up tomorrow when we get back from Cave Junction. I am beyond excited.

I have been patiently waiting for the moment to put the tree in the stand, and to string the lights, and then hang the delicate little decorations.  So tomorrow is going to be great.  We are going to look at a possible house that we have been thinking about putting an offer in on.  Its perfect.  6.2 acres out in the woods, and its super cute and perfect for us. :)  So hopefully the appt goes well tomorrow so we can offer on it and maybe make it our forever home. :)

OH! and today I think we are going to have Homemade Mac&Cheese with bacon.  I love the taste of all the real melted cheeses and the smokey bacon bits.  Can you say YUM.  I think I might do something along the lines of what The Brown Eyed Baker did in their Grown Up Mac and Cheese

Well perhaps we'll remember to take some pictures of our creations today and i'll remember to post them.

Have a great day!


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

To Jerrod ♥

Sometimes on nights like these when I sleep won't find me, while you are silently breathe, in and out.  You are so peaceful when your sleeping, sometimes I hate to move in fear of disturbing you. Somenights it seems that you can find sleep so easily, you just lay your head back and position your arms in the same way every night, and within minutes, your breathing changes, and you start to breathe deeper, slower.  Often you murmer, mostly nonsense things, and other times you talk about me, to me.  You mumble sweet things and snuggle up, almost making sure that I am still in the bed, I often wonder if I wasnt there, would that startle you enough to wake up. 
I lay here often and wonder what the future has in store for us.  There were times I never thought you would come into my life, and now your here and have been for almost 3 years.  Its amazing how fast time flys and yet seems to creep by.  We have come such a long way from where we started, emotionally, physically, financially.   We may be broke and scraping by sometimes but I know that this low will make us stronger as a couple.  If we can make it through times of monetary distress, then when we are living more comfortable we will be content and secure. 
We have built our relationship on trust, and honesty, and the simple fact of being true to eachother.  Being true to your partner is more the being faithful.  Its being who you are no matter who is around.  I know that I can be me with you whenever and wherever we are. 
I love knowing that you love me just as much as when I'm cooking in my sweats to when we get dressed up.  Thank you for everything.  You make it possible for me to express myself, and allow me to love and be loved. 

Monday, October 11, 2010


Whew. What a whirlwind of a weekend.
Left Oregon midafternoon on Wednesday and arrived in Sin City at about 10'o'clock that night.  We went to eat at Mesa, which is Bobby Flay's restaurant there at Ceasars.  We had THE best quesadilla.  It was crispy, and filled with chicken and all these chilies, and topped with guacamole and lettuce. So simple but so amazing.  Also had some amazing peach margaritas.
Lets just say it was a great way to start our Vegas trip.

Just to give you an idea of WHY we were in Vegas, let me explain.  Almost every year the women of my family get together and have gone to Vegas, to celebrate birthdays, achievements, anything important.  When I get to go it makes it so there are 4 generations of our family there.   Frances is my grandma's aunt, so it makes it pretty awesome.  I was too young for most of the trips, but now that I'm getting older, I get to go more now!
The first night we had gma all to ourselves, so we just relaxed and hungout, because that meant that the next morning, Joy and Frances got there. They changed the whole dynamic of the trip.  Granted that grandma is 70 somthing, Joy is 65 and Frances is 97!! and she's more mobile then people in their 70's!  So me and mom were the young ones of the group. 
We went out to Peynard's for breakfast on thursday, which is an amazing french bistro-style restaurant.  Had some of the best eggs benidict I've ever had in my life, the croissant was light and airy, while the hollendaise was rich and deep. Could of ate it all week!

Each day we were in Vegas, mom and me went to the Apollo pool at Ceasars and baked ourselves in the sun.  We only lasted about 2 hours each day, seemed like the sun was so much hotter here then at home.  But in just a few days, using this stuff called, Maui Babe Browning Lotion, I have to say that I am considerably tanner then when I arrived. And I'm a whitey! :)

Since Las Vegas doesnt have any of the no smoking bans like Oregon, everywhere we went was cloudy with cigarette smoke, and man did it give me a killer headache.  I had a migrain for the first two days, it was terrible.  I was pumped full of Tylenol and all sorts of pain meds, but nothing worked.  Not even Tylenol PM.  But when Friday evening rolled around, magically after dinner my headache went away! :) I blame it on the amazing italian food we ate at Rao's.

Rao's is this famous little restaurant that used to be in NY,  and was just a tiny mom and pop type place, but word started getting out about it, and then it got bigger and bigger, and now its in LV. :)  They have the best Penne ala Vodka ever.  We also got some Veal Parmiggiana. YUM.  It was pounded so flat, and it was so tender you could cut it with a spoon.  And to top the meal off, we got some Ricotta cheesecake, which is my new favorite thing.  It was so light and sweet with just a little bit of tart from the lime zest. Man o Man. Was I in heaven there!

After dinner we walked around Bellagio and went to watch the dancing fountains, which are always one of my favorite things to see. After that, everyone pretty much went to bed. Mom and me stuck a few bucks into some fish machine, and I won just enough to get my hair done. :) SWEET! poor baby needs some attention.

Oh Thursday night, after dinner mom and I went to go see this exhibit called, Bodies.  It was incredible.  This artist took human remains and soaked them in acetone, to remove all the water from our tissues and then replaced it with a polymer, so that when the procedure was finished, the bodies and muscles looked the exact same, but there wasnt any flesh anymore, it was just a waxy substance.  It was spectacular, he took the brain and pumped red polymer through the veins so that then all the flesh was discarded and all that was left was this matrix of red lines.  It was so amazing, I cant even explain.  They wouldnt let us take pictures in most of the places we went, so I dont have alot of documentation of Vegas.

Oh! On Sat, Mom, me and Joy, went to watch Cirque du Soilel: Zumanity.  That was a great show, it was 90 min of sex, and dancing, and laughter. I havent laughed that hard in a long time.  I strongly suggest it to anyone visiting LV. 

So yesterday was our last day in Vegas, so we went to our goodbye lunch at Todd English's Olives.  Which by the way had some amazing food.  I got a Bucatini with lamb and pork meatballs, which were so velvety it was hard to not stuff your face. :)  Mom got a lumb crab carbonara, and that was just as delicious! It was hard to not have good food there, everything is so perfect. Ugh. I stuffed my face for 4 days pretty much

Now its diet time. :)

I was so happy to get home last night, its always so nice to be back in your bed, sleeping next to the person your used to sleeping with. :) staying up every night we were there, and then getting home at 2 was killing my sleep.  So much so that I didnt even hear Jerrod get up this morning, lights on and everything. 

Now I'm dealing with all this crap about my car, its still not shifting right, toyota thinks its a recalled part, but my car might have too many miles for the recall to be free, which is bullshit. its a fucking recall, not my fault. But the part wont be in for a month,so I dont know what we're going to do.  I dont have time for this shit right now. Ugh.  What a way to wake up after vacation. 

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Two weeks into fall and its 91 degrees.
What happened to the days when right after labor day, the crisp winds blew in, and the air gets cooler.
The sun warms the midday but when the sun starts to set the cool night air blows in, forcing us to wear sweatshirts and jeans. 
Those are my favorite times of the year.
I love wearing my peacoats and scarves with jeans and comfy grandma shoes. 
I am ready for those days. 
Can they just be here yet?

On another note:
I am the happiest I've been in a long time.
Lately all the stress of my state boards and wedding and weight have been wearing my down into this creature that wasnt me.

I was irritable and grouchy and short temperd.  Everything seemed to make me either get mad or cry.
I felt like I was on this teeter totter of emotions and it was weighing me down.
Jerrod was noticing it, and I kept saying it was stress, hoping that I was right.

I got to a point when I thought, Am I depressed? 
Do I have a problem? 

There were a few nights that after studying till my brain felt like it melted that I would go into our bedroom to watch some movie or some show, that I would find myself wimpering and crying to myself.
I was afraid to let Jerrod in.
I was afraid I was turning into someone that he would want.
Someone that he could'nt love.

It doesnt help that all the pressure of getting married is starting to sink in.
Its the one day that you are supposed to be beautiful.
But when I look in the mirror, I dont feel beautiful.
I dont know if I've ever felt that way when I look at my reflection.

I've never been skinny, never been a size two.
Sure he says he loves me the way that I am, but sometimes there's part of me that wonders, 'would he love me more if I was skinnier'
I know that these aren't healthy thoughts by any means.

What I never understood was, I eat healthy, I'm active. What happened.

Then there comes the wedding dress.
Brides are supposed to be in the best shape of their lives.
They are supposed to be breathtaking in their dresses. 
Will I feel that way when I find my dress?
Will I feel the way that you're supposed to?
I pray that I do.
Everyday I pray that I will look into the mirror and see a beautiful person staring back at me.

Trust me.
Ever since I took my test and that stress was dissolved, I feel so much better. 
I slept the best I have in weeks last night.  I fell asleep early and stayed asleep.
Up until the test date, I was having a hard time sleeping, tossing and turning for hours.
But I slept AMAZING. It was so wonderful waking up this morning.

Also I feel like the woman that I'm supposed to be.  I am going to be a succesful LMT. I am going to be a wonderful wife, and an amazing mother when that time comes.

Lately we've even been talking about kids. I give Jerrod about a year and a half until he's ready.
We were laying in bed last Sunday, discussing our future.  We realized that we're ready to have a family. And a dog alone doesnt count.
We are thinking about waiting to get a dog till after the wedding, just for the sake of the puppy.
We didnt want to have to ask someone to puppysit a 10 month old lab. who knows what kind of damage that would do to another persons house.

Wow, this is getting alot longer then I expected. 
Its time for bed, I have a few more episodes of Bones to watch.

And to leave you with an adorable picture of a BloodHound puppy.  Who will be named Copper.

Imma hound dog. aru ru ru ru.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Today I made an appt for Davids Bridal. EEEEKKK!
I know that the moment that I try on those beautiful dresses that it will truely sink in that

I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!!!

Even though we're planning things and getting the day figured out, i think its still kind of surreal to me. I couldnt imagine it any other way.  Jerrod and me and grown up so much in the past two years, and grown together in a way that has entertwined our hearts. 

So far we have these things booked/planned:
-Tables and Chairs
-Table decorations
-Save the Dates/Invitations

We know somewhat how we're going to have the bridal party dress, the boys in Tux's and the girls in some dress, one I havent quite decided on.
I have chosen a photographer but need to nail down the date. :)
And we still have to nail down the 'bar' portion of the wedding, we know we are going to rent one of those keg trailors that have a cooler on one side, so we can store wine and other things in there.
Hmmm.... What else am I missing...

So off to another topic:

Jerrod had to work late last night, so I thought that after Zumba I would be a good house wife and make him a sweet treat, so I wipped up some mini cherry cheesecakes as a suprise. Welp, he didnt work as long as he said, so he got home early, right in the middle. So it wasnt as much of a suprise as I had hoped but he was grateful for the gesture. :)

Here they are! :) Dont they look delicious?
If not you're crazy! They are amazing, and even though I forgot that they needed to cool down with the oven and I took them out so their tops fell a little, and sunk in. But they taste the same as they would if you would have let them cool slowly. :) O-Well!

After reading a dear friend of mines rant about maritial problems being blasted on facebook. AH. I feel the same. Since when is it the worlds problem that you are having a disagreement with your spouse.  There are so many people that are putting these complaints on facebook to such a degree that it feels like they are fishing for attention.
Then there are other people that rant on facebook that doesnt bother me, that I find amusing and I love reading it. Maybe its the content of their rants that decide the difference. If you are fighting with your significant other, why are you on facebook updating your status? How about going back to the moment and trying to work through it and get over it, instead of telling the world. UGH
Ok over it. :) Done.

Haha I'm watching WifeSwap right now and its always guarenteed to make me laugh.  They always chose people who are polar opposites of eachother, today its a woodsy/outdoor family and a manhattan/billionair family. Bwahaha. She wore heels to chop firewood. :)

Alright. Off to study some pathology :)


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Home Preserving

This is almost my favorite time of year, I love when the weather startss to turn cool, and you need to wear a sweater and your slippers just to get your coffee from the kitchen.  It was nice and cold this morning when i got up and even colder the night before.  I can't wait to dust off my peacoats that are patiently waiting in the back of my closet, and get our my scarves and handwarmers. :)  I love fall. 

With the end of summer also brings its time for canning and freezing of goods.  So far this summer we have put away tuna, and fresh corn and tomatos. This weekend I am canning come tomatos with basil, some EVOO sauce (which is tomatos, garlic, basil, and olive oil)  and tomorrow I am going to make some pickled jalapenos with Jacque Swift. :) Super excited. She is going to teach me how to make them her way. Jerrod loves her jalapenos so this will be a good one to add to my recipe book. Hopefully I can remember to write it all down. 
Presto Canner
(Like the one I got)
All-American Canner
(Like my mom's, the one I want)
So we bought a canner this spring with the hopes that I'd learn to use it and be able to can on my own by fall, well we tried out this so called canner, which is totally different then the one that I grew up using, it was a Presto instead of an All-American, and it had weights instead of a pressure gauge.  I grew up watching  my mom can everything, from Venison to chili, to spaghetti to salsa to garlicky beans.  Mom canned everything, and I didnt appreciate all the hard work she put into this untill I started getting old enough to actually help her. Around age 11 I started helping with the actual process of preserving the food, and started to realize how rewarding it is.  To be able to go into your pantry and look at all the glass jars of delicious healthy food that you saved for your family is amazing.  I am so thankful that my mom canned and that I was able to learn these skills from her. Its amazing how little families home preserve anymore. Sure lots of people make jam or jelly, but very few go beyond that. Alot of people dont can their own meat or even their own sauce.  I have been lucky enough to have been fed homegrown food for almost my entire life, sure there are certain things that we have to get from the store because we just dont/cant make them, but for a large majority we have it ourselves. Ask any of my friends that have been in the pantry and they will attest to the variety of food that is in there. 

Whats so nice about it is, say one weekend you make a HUGE pot of spaghetti and I mean a huge pot, you take some out for dinner for a few nights, and then the rest you put into jars and can, and then someday down the road, all you have to do it pour whats in that jar into a pot, and you know that its going to taste great, unlike some of those jars of spag sauce you get from the store.  Maybe its just me but Prego just doesnt to it for me.  Also I great thing to can is chicken noodle soup. My mom will make a big pot just for canning so when we're sick we can have some good soup instead of some condensed soup with imitation chicken pieces. 

If anyone has ever had REAL canned Albacore instead of the pink stuff the try to convince you is tuna in the tiny metal cans, you will have a really hard time going back to that pink meat.  I dont even know the last time that I had tuna from a can, its just not the same. I guess you can call me spoiled, but I would rather spend the extra money on the real thing and spend the time putting it away so that I can have something thats healthier and better tasting. :) But thats just me.

Also on my food preserving list of things yet to do this winter are:
Can tomatos with/out basil
Can tomato sauce
Freeze anahiems
Freeze blackberries
Make apple juice
Plant garlic for next year ( something I'm extremely excited about)
And anything else I can get my hands on

I think I am going to have to save up to buy myself a canner with a pressure gauge, I've been thinking about it lately with my mom, and since its what I've grown up using, I think its what I want, and I will try to get the stupid Presto one fixed.  When we tried to use it a few weeks ago, we were waiting for the pressure to build inside and we noticed that it was leaking steam from all sorts of places, so hopefully its just the seal and that can be replaced. So hopefully we'll get it fixed and it can be my backup/second canner.

I think thats enough for now.  Now for some pictures!

Goodnight! :) F&A

Monday, August 16, 2010

I hate nights like this, nights when your brain refuses to shut off.
Nights when your eyes are fighting to stay closed.
Nights when you could swear you hear the conversation for blocks away because your ears are hypersensitive.

Nights like this make my brain spin and sometimes it gets going so fast that it seems like its in a blender with every thought I've ever had, spinning and chopping, and then its the frappe cycle.

Seems like there are so many things that I'm just waiting for.
Waiting to hear if I passed my board exam.
Waiting to send out invites.
Waiting to go search for a dress.
Waiting for the wedding.

And in between all these big waiting items are a million other things that seem to have me by the back of the neck waiting.  I'm waiting for sleep, for tomorrow, for the weekend, for the next weekend. 

Seems like I need to find the reset button on me, but they are always in that place that you can't seem to find.

Like that place in the middle of your back that you always get a itch on that you have to use the door jam or some other weird object to scratch. Maybe my model didnt come with one.

What if we could just push a reset button and things would speed up or backtrack to the way we want them to be, uncomplicated.

Sometimes I feel that I get so caught up in Jerrod and my life that I forget whats going on around us.  Sometimes we have so much planned that when I finally look up from what I was doing, its weeks past when we started. 

I never had the experience of love before Jerrod came into my life, and in a way I'm thankful.  I'm thankful that I never had to go through that heartbreak and to feel the hatred for the person who ripped my heart out. I have never felt that you need to experience that pain before you can truley appreciate love. That seems crazy to me. I need to hurt to feel better?  Who says.  Why not wait until you know its the right time and pour your whole self into someone and have them do the same and be a better person?  I almost think that if I would have had my heart broken it would have made my next love more difficult.  I am stubborn and guarded and if I would have lost that trust with someone so close, I think I would have built walls so high noone could ever climb them. But instead I was trusting, and open, and allowed myself to fall in love, completly with no safety net.  Its something I will never regret.

Sometimes I dream about what our future holds for us.
Sometimes I imagine our home 10 years down the road.
Filled with love and our children, with our pets running around while chickens peck at bugs in the gras and cows and steers roam our field.
Someday we'll have all this, but for now I'll settle for all we have. :)

Re-reading this, it doesnt make much sense.
good night everyone

xox f&a


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Well its been a long time since i've posted..

Sometimes life just wraps you up and takes you into a whirlwind and you hardly notice that its been weeks since your feet were on the ground.

Lots has been happening, lately I have just been studying and working around the house to pass the time. I have 8 days till I take my practical exam whiich decides if I get to practice massage in the state of Oregon. I sure hope I pass, I am ready to have a job in a career I love, and to start saving up for our honeymoon. :)  Alaska here we come!

This time I think i'll work backwards in events, so here goes.

This weekend we went out to the Back to the 50's car shows.
Saturday we went to Jerrod's Gpa's 87th Bday out in medford and then went back to GP and met up with the fam+ grandma and then went and watched the classic car cruise.  There were some amazing cars and some not so sweet ones.  There were model T fords and alot of mustangs, there even was a gremlin.  There was a cadillac that must have been in the 2000s that someone just put a body kit on to look old, like they rounded all the edges. LAME-O .  I thought it was kinda weird to enter a car like that into a classic cruise, but owell not my problem.

After the cruise, Jerrod and I went out own way from the family, and we went and met up with a few of our friends and spent the night out on the town.  We went to the WonderBlur, and man oh man, can that bartender make some strong ass drinks.  I thought a safe drink would be a vodka cran add lime, and when he handed it to me, it literally wasnt even pink at all.  Haha. It was straight vodka!  I drank it half way down and had to ask for more cranberry juice, and all he did was laugh and said it was a common request, but hey, at least your getting your moneys worth right?
Hours later, and about 4 too many drinks, it was time to head home. Lets just say that Sunday wasnt the funnest day. :)

We just started getting some veggies to our garden. Lots of lemon cucumbers and burpless cucumbers. :)  We have more then we can handle it seems. 
We also have jalapenos coming out of our ears!  Now we are letting the plants fill up with peppers so I can can some. :) 

Our anahiems are finally filling out and are almost of the size to stuff and BBQ!
I think I am going to roast some jalapenos and anahiems and then skin 'em and can them, I think it would make a nice base for a chili verde. :)

AND last but not least, we have sooo many green tomatoes, we have more then a person could eat in a month, but none are ripe yet, there are a few romas that look like they are getting close. so lets just hope theat they hurry up,because jerrod is getting mighty anxious.

I will have to go out and take some pictures here soon, and show the size that my melons are getting. :) some are the size of a soccer ball. :) YUM

Till next time.


Monday, June 28, 2010

So this weekend was great, nice and relaxing and very productive.
We took pictures for our Save The Dates on saturday out at the parents house.  :)
 This is my favorite one, and may be the winner. :)

But I really like this one too. :) I think its super cute, and both of these
show the people we really are. :)


xoxo f&a

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Making a house a home ♥

Whew! What a busy day I have ahead of me. 
Lots of house cleaning to get done before the weekend. 

To Do:
Clean bathroom
                 -Wash rugs/floor/shower/toilet
Clean Kitchen
                 - Mop floors/wipe down counters
Living Room
                 -Vaccum carpet/fix couch cover


I hate when I let the weekend fun take hold of my household chores.  Like when we decide to go hangout instead of putting a load of laundry in or we let our drunken adventures mess our house up. And granted my house isnt that bad compared to other peoples, but it drives me crazy when its gross, I want it to be spotless all the time because I get embarressed when people come over and our house isnt in tip-top shape. I know most girls out there can feel me on that one. 

Oh FYI I hate carpet.  I hate that we have a house that we are renting with carpet, it grosses me out beyond belief.  who knows what other people have done on this carpet, and I have shampooed it, lots of times believe me, but still I cant get it out of my mind that other people have done nasty shit on our carpet.  UGH I wish sout landlord would just rip this shit out and see if there is wood underneath, our home was built in the late 30's so I have a hard time thinking that there isnt some form of wood floors underneath.  Even if there isnt The wood laminate floor lasts longer then carpet and it looks so much better. But our landlord doesnt give a shit about this place, so i doubt anything will ever happen.  We have done more to this place then anyone has done in years.  The lady that kived here before us treated this house like crap, never took care of the property or anything. 

Okay, enough with my house rant. 

Now off to tackle this list of chores....

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Whew. This weekend was full to the brim with action. 
Went to CJ on Friday after my DR appt for the rehearsal and dinner, and the craziness started there.  People were late which caused the rehearsal to start late, so people were getting testy because they were hungry. Then we do the damn thing, make it perfect, and all head back to CJ for the dinner at Carlos'.  They did a buffet style dinner, and at the time the colorado beef or whatever it was was delicious, but it definatly caught up to everyone by that night.  Always seems like Carlos' has a way of tasting great but seems to revist you later. Hahaha. 
But after dinner the girls went back to the ranch and had a girls night, nad somehow stayed up till likie 3:30, and then we were all wide awake at 5!  Crazy I know.  But I guess we were just excited about the wedding. All morning we kept saying, oh we have hours! no need to rush! Then all of a sudden it was 2 and pictures were at 4, and it was like a mad house!  Then the drama started.  One of the groomsmen got mad and left the wedding, which makes me lose all respect for him. How rude is that, its one of your buddies weddings and you can't keep your craziness down to a minimum for a few hours. Fucking stupid.  Then one of the bridesmaids was going to leave to go home to the groomsmen, EVEN more lame.  She ended up staying for the ceremony, but left right after, which was even more rude I think. She stayed to save face, but once the coast was clear she left.  More or less you can tell that I was highly irritated.  Meghan is one of my best friends so I was determined to make sure her wedding was a great time, so we stayed and drank and danced the night away. 

About 10:45 we decided it was time for us to head home, so we wished them the greatest and left the ranch. 
SOMEHOW I convinced my mom to go to the gutter with me and vanessa ( granted she was our DD hahaha)  But we went and it was one of those nights when the bar is filled with people you know, and it was great. Jerrod, Andy, Brandon and Zach were there, I guess the bachelor party was lame, and then Trevor, Lex, Zach, and many more were there as well.  So me and mom danced and hung out, then Jerrod wanted me to go home with him, so mom went home, and we stayed and partied it up. We left around 2 and headed back to Zach's house and stayed up for a few hours talking and shooting the shit.  Then after laying in bed talking for what seemed like forever, we saw headlights, so jerrod got dressed and went to investigate.  a few hours later he came back, after going to the river, finding the bachelor party guys down there and watching them get in wrestling matches on the gravel, Hahah all those fuckers had knots on the head and blood on their shirts.  Jerrod being the nice guy gave Levi a ride up to the Hwy after Jimmy and him got in a fight, because both are smartasses. Haha. 
But all in all, this weekend was grand, a nice way to preclude to my week of studying. UGH!
I'll be back once I find out on thursday if I pass my test. :)  WooHOoooo


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Veggies galore!

This past week has been sooo busy it seems. When I went to bed on Sunday evening, I remember thinking, whew I have a semi relaxing week ahead of me, and then its to the grind stone for studying before my test.  But then it seems like one thing after another has just been piling up and seems I can't get ahead.  Sure they are simple things that have been happening, but it just seems to consume my whole day.  Simple things like taking dillon to the store takes hours because he only goes once a week. Dont get me wrong I would take him to the store any time any day, but sometimes it seems like we're at freddys or walmart FOREVER! Haha
I planned on cleaning the house deeply this week, like scrubbing the floors and carpet, but it seems like i've only had time to do a few things each day, not how I like to clean. I like to dedicate a whole day or however long it takes to the house, and get it all done at once, because then when your done, its like, wow, my house is clean and smells nice and I want to relax.  When you only clean a few things each day it seems like the house never gets as clean as it is when you do it all at once, and it doesnt smell like the wonderful febreeze floor cleaner I just got. :)  I cleaned the kitchen, just need to do the floors, and the living room just needs to be vaccumed and the bedroom as well. I tackled the laundry but the nightstands and the dresser need to be straightened up and the bathroom, whoa that needs to be cleaned.  I need to wash the rugs in the bathroom and mop the floor and shower. 
Too much to do it seems.

Oh well what can you do. 

♥ But anyways, our garden has been growing and getting tall and some of them even have flowers on them!  This place is finally starting to feel like a home.  Definatly not the shrimp/chicken ramen house we moved into.  Its definatly come along way.  The yard hadnt been mowed in a few years, and she didnt care about the flower beds or any of the trees or shrubs.  She definatly didnt know what she was missing! There are some beautiful trees on this property that with a little grooming have some amazing potential! :) 
 Now some pictures of the stuff growing around here. :)

My little strawberries right after we planted them in March

Now we have some berries almost ready to eat

and ALOT of berries to come!!!

Hahah, I had to highlight the bloom! There are thousands more and I bet in a few days it will be covered.  Its technical name is Magnolia grandiflora, or giant magnolia Haha

Some baking cherries on the side of the house, I'm curious if they will be good enough to just eat!

We seriously have a fig tree in our back yard.
Anyone like them?
Maybe I can create homemade fig newtons!

My herb garden, with peppermint, thyme, margoram, sage, rosemary, oregano, garlic, and onion! :)

Beautiful dinner plate dahlias :)
Can't wait for them to bloom

My handsome man getting the garden ready. ♥

My baby tomatoes and other plants before they got planted.

Hims getting so big! ( he's one of 19 tomato children )

All our peppers, 8 anahiem and 8 jalapeno

Jerrod's cucumber! He has grown soo much in the past few days.

Hope ya'll like our veggies, I'll update you on their lives. xoxoxo

Monday, June 14, 2010

Welcome to the real world

For the pasts 17 years of my life, I have been in and out of school. Working summers but I always knew that when august rolled around the job was ending and that school was back.  I never had to keep a job for more the 3 months at a time, or I only had to tolerate it for 3-4 months. But now, I ahve to get licensed and go out into the R.W. [realworld :)] and get a job that I need to keep for a long time. Its crazy to think that I'm done. It hasnt completly sunk in yet, and I think it wont untill I am an L.M.T. looking for work. 
It doesnt feel like about 4 years ago, I was shaking at home as I opened up my acceptance letter from U of O, and was positive that was where I was going to be forever.  Its amazing where people end up from where they started.
As the week counts down to megs wedding, I started thinking about where we were all at a few years ago. Tara was positive she was going to marry damon, and now she has a adorable baby with Nik.  Meghan and  Brad were still doing the same thing they are now, yet meg has realized that babies are on her near horizon.  Alexis was dating a douche bag, and was at U of O, and now is at SOU dating a very cute boy, and speding her summer in Alaska.And Victoria was at U of O and had her share of bad boyfriends and now is happily married to Matt living in NC but soon in Washington, chasing her dreams. 
I have to say that where we are now is a lot better then where we thought we wanted to be 3/4 years ago.  I would never think that I would be where I am right now, if you would have asked me that 3 years ago.  But I couldnt imagine being anywhere else now. 
With 13 months till we get married, I am trying to contain my excitement. I want to go out and plan everything right now! But we have some things already set in stone, we have the tables and chairs, enough for 300-350 I think.  We have the DJ and the Dance floor.  I found dresses I love, I just need to try them on.  We have ideas for food and drinks.  We know who are parties are and have a idea what we want them to wear.  We have a location, and know what the flowers will be.  We have a photographer, yet we need to figure out the invites.  Lots planned but lots to go. 

Monday, June 7, 2010

Early morning........

Sitting here finshing up my homework for the term, recovering from this last weekend, gives me time to think about whats next.  As of tuesday I am officially done at RCC, ( well untill I need to do some CE)  and then I am on my way to becoming a LMT. Scary almost. Although its something that I want to do, it seems like such a scary thing to become. I will be a professional.  I will be done with school and actually in the real world.  Sure I've worked and had jobs,  but school was always just a few months away, but now what? 

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Wow. Its been a few days since I've posted.

Lots of things going on right now, trying to finish up school, and get all my hours correct, and make sure I have the right credits and paperwork. Then I need to find a part-timer so I can make a few bucks untill I get licensed so then I can charge for massages. :)  Woohoo! I cannot believe that in 21 days I take my written test, and then onJuly 6th I can pick up and mail my paperwork so I can go get registered for the practical exam. AH! scary scary thoughts.  I am almost terrified about taking these tests..I dont feel prepared at all.
And I need to get certified in first aid and cpr before all this happens. Geeze. So much going on.

We had a great weekend, lots of time spent with friends and with beer. Haha. Spent Monday on the river, crashed a few parties, and had a great time with Jerrod and some of our friends. :)

This weekend will be a great one as well. Jerrod leaves for halibut fishing on Friday morning, and then that night me and ashley G are going to go take some pictures up in the rich area of town. :)  Havent drug my camera out in a while, and it feels good to hold it again. :)  Then on Saturday is Meghans Bachelorette party, and still not sure on whats my plans with that. I am pretty broke, so I am not sure if I'm going to be able to drink, but I will go to dinner and then see how the night fares  :) 

Life has been good lately.  I love waking up and knowing that life is on a slow incline up.  I still can't believe that meg is getting married, I know that its meant to be.  It just amazes me still that we are at this point in our lives. Tara is married and has the most adorable baby boy, Meg is geting married in about 3 weeks, and then will be starting her family soon after.  And then there is me, getting married in a little over a year, still mind blowing. :) But I couldnt imagine it any other way. :)

Stay tuned.. ♥

Friday, May 28, 2010

Sadly the honey we harvested was at the TOTAL wrong time of the year, right after winter or in the spring is the absolute wost time to try to get honey, because bees spend all spring and summer filling the hive with honey so that during the winter when there isnt anything to eat, they can survive on the honey. So Fall is the time to get it. I guess better luck next time.

Had a great day yesterday, cleaned house, went on a bike ride, and got to hang out with Ashley and Sarah, which was nice, haven't seen either of those girls in a while. :) Got to catch up and hang out for a few hours. We were going to go for a walk, but it started raining and none of us felt like walking in a down pour.

So this weekend started out with nothing planned, and then it seems like in 30 sec all of a sudden its booked full!  Tomorrow Jerrod is going clamming for a few hours in the morning, and then we are going to a get together at Andys house. Then we are waking up around 330 on Sunday and going to Diamond Lake to go fishing. :) I am excited, hopefully Monday can be a day of rest and relaxation and planting some bulbs and seeds. I have like 30 more gladiolas to plant and some sunflowers. :)

I think this weekend I want to go get my manual camera and dust it off and start using it again, i always loved my camera, and I love the feel of the film when you put it in the camera.  I also love the idea of not being able to see the pictures till you develop the film, its a suprise every time to shoot it. :)

Welp, thats all for now, perhaps more to come later.

PS. just one and a half weeks of school LEFT!!!!!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I was going to go switch the laundry and went to walk down the stairs out the back of our house, ( they are wooden and its pouring rain) ( and I was in flip flops) AND I definatly just ate crap so hard!
This doesnt look like much, but its swelling and its tender to the touch. :( Hurts so bad.
Just thought I would share
PS. We are going to go get some wild honey tonight and i will post with pictures tomorrow. :) SO excited for some wild honey comb, I love to chew it because then the wax is almost like gum. :) If you never have tried it, you are seriously missing out, go down to your local farmers market or the like and get some. :) :) :) YUM

Monday, May 24, 2010

Catch Up

Whew, can't believe its Monday already.  Seems like it was just Thursday, feels like the weekend went by too fast! Lots of friends and fun and lots of planting was to be had this past weekend.
On Thursday during the day, I went to GreenLeaf, ( a nursery) and had a list of things to get for the garden, and went in with the idea of getting only 26 veggies, and came out with 49!  But it wasnt a waste!  I got 8 Romas, 8 Ace toms, 1 Chococherry, 1 sungold, 1yellow pear tom, 8 anahiem, 8 jalapeno, 6 melons, 2 squashes, and 3 cucumbers! :)  So once Jerrod got home from work we spread lots of chicken shit and planted the veggies but held off on planting the seeds, since its not near warm enough and we dont want our pumpkins to rot. Once I get my memory card back from my mom, I will post pictures of the veggies and the flowers that we have planted around the property. Lots of changes have happened to 1966 fruitdale dr since we moved in 5 months ago.
On Fridaywe have a bunch of people over for a few cocktails, margaritas and gin and tonics. :)  Yummmm.. We had games being played and grown boys wrestling in the front yard, all in all it was a great time.  :)  When Saturday morning rolled around and I dragged my hungover self out of bed, the house looked like a drunken tornado ran rampant through my house! Lots of beer bottles and glasses were everywhere, found a piece of shirt and bottles in the yard, and lots of pictures on my camera that I didnt take. Hahah. :) But after the house was cleaned, and Jerrod decided to join the world, a few of his nephews came over, and we played with them for a few hours, well mainly he wrestled with them, and I colored on the white board with the boys. :)  I love the idea of having kids, and I know that in about a year or so my maternal clock will be ringing. I hope that we have a boy and a girl but have this feeling that we're going to get two hell raising boys instead. Haha.
By the time that the boys left, and it was just us left, it was almost 5 and we hadn't even left the house yet! So we ran to the grocery store, got some stuff for tacos and a few redbox movies, ''The Blind Side'', and ''The Lovely Bones''.  The blind side was AMAZING! Sandra deserves some awards if she didnt get any. :)  The lovely bones was different, it was one of those movies that you can't turn off, because you HAVE to know what happens to the bad guy!

Sunday was a lazy day, hung around and made potstickers and stirfry with chicken kabobs for dinner, yum, finally got to use my wok, but it needs to be seasoned, and my potstickers kept sticking and never crisped up. DAMN. But they still tasted good even though they looked funny. :)

Well, I think I'm caught up, more to come. :)

Monday, May 17, 2010

24 hours

Its crazy for me to believe that in 24 hours my brother will be graduating and then he will be getting into my car and then we are heading HOME!
It has been a crazy 2.5 years, and this has been a long time coming.
I'm almost too excited to even write about it. Hahaha.
More when he's home :)

This face will soon be seen more often

Monday, May 10, 2010

Day one of the diet modification

So we started our diet this week. Whew.
Had a mental break last week about my self image, and I couldnt of asked for a better support from Jerrod. 
He held me while I cried and reassured me how beautiful I am to him, and agreed to do this with me.

So we have started out this week, and know thats its going to be hard cutting out all the delicious things that we love to eat, but once our garden starts producing produce it will make this alot easier.  We have our weight goals for the wedding that is in 13 months, and we will get there eventually. 
I think I am going to get a membership at the Y once Dillon is home, because I know he wants to join somewhere, and since he is already in the workout/exercise mode, I know it will be  helpful having him to push me to work out.  I only have half of what i need to succeed.  I have great willpower when it comes to food, I could starve myself to death, but getting me to exercise is the hard part. But if I have him wanting to go, and pushing me to get out there and do something I think I can do this. 

I dont want to be a size 2, or even a size 8, and I dont care how many pounds I lose persay, but i want to feel better about myself, and feel pretty again.  I want to be confident when I put on my wedding dress knowing that I am healthy.  I also want to lose some weight to help my blood pressure, someday hopfully being able to ween myself off it.  I want to be healthy and the size that makes me feel good long after the wedding.

I know that babies is in my future and I want to be fit and healthy before I get pregnant and gain baby weight on top of what I already have.

I want to be happy and healthy, and my diet isnt crazy, its just modified :)