Stress.

One word that can alter someones life so greatly.

It makes it hard to sleep. Eat.  Even breathe sometimes. 

Tonight I fall into all of the above categories.

I am stressing over getting all my bridesmaids into their dresses in time to order.  Making sure they all have enough money to get them. 
I'm stressing over everyday life.  Little things, like the house being a mess, money, work, laundry.  Things that arent worth stressing over, I am.
I am stressing over my stress level.  When I stress, my blood pressure sky rockets, and I know its hard on my body, and I have a dr. appt on Tuesday and I know they are going to check my blood pressure and tell me its too high, and ask me why and why i'm not on my meds anymore.  Because I am 22 and shouldnt have to be on blood pressure meds.  Come on what 22 year old is?  Its ridiculous. 


Stress is robbing sleep from me.

I need sleep.

There was a woman in the shop that was talking about how she is a truck driver with her husband.  She said she has seen countless marriages fail when the couple decides to drive together.  She often asks the couples, are you friends.  Of course they respond, yes we love eachother very much. 

This is a common answer for this question.  She said she has to repeat the question.  Are you friends.  Best friends?  Most couples dont know how to answer.  She has a valid point.  People often  meet someone and become friends, but then they get lost in the lust and the chase of the relationship, and forget how to be friends with their lover.  They get caught up in sex and intimacy and all the emotions that serious relationships have.  When you are friends with someone you have different emotions, similar but they are invested differently.  You arent as concerned if you are going to ruin the rest of the night at the house, or if you are going to mess up your luck at getting laid.  When you are friends, you hang out and you then have your space. 
I have realized that I dont ever want to lose that friendship I have with him. 
I love that we can go on roadtrips or just hang out and make eachother laugh and be honest without cause for concern about hurting eachothers feelings. 
I feel for those who lose that friendship and get lost in the relationship.  How miserable would it be to be in love with your spouse but you dont like them?  Sure its easy to love someone but to like them is a whole new ball game. 
People blame love as some unsceen force that they have no control over, but you chose to get past the liking stage to get to love.  Don't regret love, every love that you experience, whether its platonic or intimate, shapes you.  It allows you to love in a new and different way.  Because every single person loves and likes differently. 



Even though it isnt something that goes along with my post, I will leave this with one of my favorite quotes

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

Christmas is just a few days away, ten to be exact. To say the least I am excited. I think I'll post what I want for christmas!  And what i'm getting the rest of my family. :)


I want:





Candle by the Hour :)



Clark Un-Loop Shoes




I also want the Zumbda DVD's, a toblerone, Moulin Rouge on DVD and socks. :)

I got Jerrod this

Cabela's Wool Hunting Coat


I got mom a red 6qt crock pot with the cook and carry locking lid. She is going to be so excited!  I got Dillon a new comforter for his bed, its tan and cream and its a nice big queen size.  I hope he likes it.  Dad got a few chambry shirts and I am going to get him some suspenders and I got everyone a few movies. I still need to get some stocking stuffers for everyone.  I need to get Jerrod some underwear and some long johns.  I also need to get him a new alarm clock, so we dont have to listen to the obnoxious one that he has right now.


Thats all for now!

xoxo f&a


Whew!

That's all I can say. 
I was ready for the work week, and Monday made it even better.  Jerrod stayed home, so we slept in till 9!!! The first time in months.  It was amazing, I felt great, and I love leisurely getting up instead of getting up at 5ish.  It was a nice start to the week.  So we relaxed, cleaned the kitchen, well I did.  Jerrod wasn't feeling too hot.  Not sure what he did, but his back is all kinds of messed up. 
Seems like his rhomboids and this erector spinae are out of whack.  I iced and worked it a little but it was still bound up, but luckily this morning it was relaxed and participating in everyday movements. 

I wish my camera wasn't dead right now, because I would love to show what my Christmas lights look like right now. They are fancy!  Jerrod got the kind that have the 16 different functions, so they change patterns, and flash and fade and what not.  Pretty exciting.  I've never had the fancy lights before, usually we just have the plain multi color ones.  I'm not going to lie, these lights are pretty nice, they are so flashy and bright.  We have it set where the red, blue and green all light up and fade at different times. So mesmerizing.


So yesterday we hung around the house, and watched the whole season of Axe Men on History Channel.  Not my most favorite show, but Jerrod sure does love it.  Part of me wonders if logging was a better business and more reliable, if he would rather do that.  He loves cutting trees and using his chainsaw.  Being in the woods is his most favorite place other then fishing in the water.  I think he was definitely born in the wrong time period.  He should have been born in the 40's where men were manly and took to the woods to make money for the family.  He would rather us grow our food and for us to hunt for our meat then go to the store and buy it any day.  We eat wild game more often then we eat store bought meat.  He wears suspenders and rigging pants on a daily basis.  It might be his rugged charm that I like the most. 

Anyways.  We were debating about dinner and what to have the rest of the week. Sometimes I feel that I am always the one deciding whats for dinner.  I have no problem making dinner most of the time, but I like some input.  So we decided on halibut burgers.  Its possibly the best way I've ever had halibut.  We took the halibut and put it in the food processor and added some seasonings, and then made them into patties and covered them in Italian bread crumbs.  we cooked them in a bit of oil just to make them crunchy but not totally fried.  Those served with some herb and butter rice, broccoli and homemade tarter sauce.  AMAZING.  They are sooo delicious, I would imagine people spending 20+ bucks for a dinner like that.    I vote everyone try this.  One of the greatest things about having fish for dinner is that Jerrod usually cooks it.  He is much better at cooking fish, mainly because I usually let him, and often over cook fish.  So when he cooks fish he usually does the whole meal. Which means I get to relax.  Except last night I made rice krispy treats for him.  Can you say messy?  I had to slather butter all over my hands just so I could press the treats down into the pan!  But smear a little peanut butter over them and it was a perfect end to a great day. 

It was soooo windy last night.  I woke up at about 230 because I could hear some kind of commotion going on outside, and i looked out the window and it was like the trees were made of taffy, just whipping around from side to side. 

Well today is uneventful.  I have to go pay rent in CJ, and finish up a packet out there, and sit at the shop for a few, then head home. 

Time to catch up on my reading.

xoxo f&a

Whew this weekend was intense.

Lately we have been laying low, and we dont do alot on the weekends, which I love since we get to spend time together and work on us, which is better then the alternative, which is getting drunk, and then fighting. UGH.  

So we were planning on being kinda low this weekend, and then Thursday happened.  We were out in CJ  and on our way home we got a text from Donnie ( who is a friend of Jerrods) and he was down at the bar in Selma, so we stopped in and weren't planning on staying, but we had a few beers and played some pool, Jerrod drank more then me, so I drove us home.  Friday wasnt going to be much, we both had work, and he said some of the guys he worked with sold some wood so they could have a christmas party. Ok I'll explain this part, the county doesnt allow spouses and families to attend the christmas or holiday parties that they have for the employees, and alot of the guys think its stupid, so two of the guys sold a few cords of wood on their own time, so they could get some people down to Abbys for some pizza and beer.  So since they did all this on their own, Jerrod felt that he should go on down to the deli and hang out.  So we went down there thinking that it was going to be kinda lame, but it wasnt.  I met some of the wives, who are amazing. :)  But one thing led to another and they all got babysitters and we were headed to the Cedarwood! While we were there we saw a bunch of people with christmas sweaters on, and somehow we ended up with one for Jerrod and one for me!  Mine came from a girl we knew and she gave it to me, but Jerrod got his from someone he didnt know and was forced to give his phone number so the guy could get it backfrom him, not only did he get a sweater from the bar, he BORROWED IT! hahahahaahah. We had a blast, stayed till about 2 and then drug ourselves home. 

Lets just say that Saturday morning I felt like crap.  AND we were supposed to take engagement pictures at 2!  Thankfully it rain so we didnt have to make ourselves up and go to Jacksonville.  So we slept and lounged around all day untill about 4 then we got ourselves put back together and headed out to CJ for a ugly christmas sweater party.  Lots of drinks later and lots of vehicles in the mud, it was suddenly 3 am and it was time to head home. 

So this morning we were feeling pretty crappy but we still put our christmas lights up and we finished the tree and then spent the rest of the day lounging around. 

Whew, am I beat!  Definatly we're going to be taking it slow for the next few weeks.  We sure as hell can't do it like we used to! 

Well have a great night!  We're off to get cleaned up and head to bed.

xoxo f&a

Homemade Mac&Cheese for Grown-Ups and other things

Today is going to be a GREAT day! 


There are so many things going on today, such as:
-Getting our christmas tree!
-Giving Dillon a massage
-LOOKING AT THE HOUSE!!! I am sooo excited, I really hope that the well and septic checks out so that we can move forth and see about prices and if we can afford it. :) 
It is such a cute house, a two story, 3 bed 2 bath on 6.2 acres.  Please?  I love that its far from town, and out in the woods.  I like that we could go out on our porch and wouldnt hear our neighbors talking.  That is one thing that I dont like about living in town.  I can always hear both our neighbors talking, yelling, slamming doors. UGH.  And I hate listening to them start that annoying jeep every morning, its obnoxiously loud.  I just want to live in the woods away from everyone. Is that crazy? 

But yesterday was a nice peacful day as well, I started on my obnoxious laundry pile, most of the clothes are things that need to be handwashed, which I think is on my list of things this morning, since I need to clean the clothes that we are going to wear on Saturday when we take our engagement pictures in Jacksonville.  But I also made some delicious Oatmeal Raisin cookies. YUM.  It was delicious. :) 

Last night I was going to take pictures while I was making my version of Mac&Cheese , but my camera was dead and I didnt feel like trying to take pictures with my old fashioned and then have to develop them.  So it will just have to happen another time.

But this mac&cheese was phenomenal.  It was filled with Fontina, Guryere, Extra Sharp Chedder and Bacon.  All melted together with heavy cream and some milk. 

I guess I'll share the recipe :)

Homemade Mac&Cheese for Grown-Ups

Ingredients:
1 lb of Cellentani pasta.
3-5 oz of gruyere, fontina, and sharp white chedder, shredded.
1 lb of bacon, cut into small pieces
1/2 tsp mustard powder
1/2 tsp white pepper
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 tsp garlic ( if you want )
1 tsp salt, depending on taste more or less.
bacon drippings
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
1 pint of heavy whipping cream
1 cup milk
few handfuls of Italian Breadcrumbs




Preheat oven to 350

Start water for the noodles, add some salt and get those going.

In a separate frying pan, cook your bacon to a decent crisp, but not sooo crispy that they taste burnt.

While your waiting for the bacon and the noodles to finish, its time to shred that cheese, and it takes some time, this is when I call Jerrod back into the kitchen to help! Once shredded, set aside

Once the noodles are al dente, which means that they still have some firmness but not crunchy,  drain and let sit in strainer untill we're ready for them.

So your bacon should be about done, scoop the bacon out and let them drain on a paper towel, but dont get rid of the drippings, we'll be using them in a few min.

Take the pot that you cooked your noodles in, and place back on medium heat and put the butter and bacon drippings in and get it all melted.  Once its all melted, add the flour and whisk the 'roux' and let it cook for about 10 min.  we want it to go from a whitish color, to a nice tan.  While your wisking you can add some black pepper and some salt.  Once the roux has thickened and turned to a nice light brown, add the heavy cream.  Keep whisking! Its important! 

Now add the mustard, white pepper, and salt.  I added some garlic to it, but thats just me.  Taste and see how it is.  If decent add the cheese.  And once thats all mixed up, add the noodles and stir it up.  Taste. If it works for you, good. If not fix it. :) 

Once it tastes good, stir in 1/2 of the bacon.  Now pour this delicious cheesy mixture into a 9X13X2 glass pan.  Sprinkle the remaining bacon on top and the breadcrumbs on top. 

Throw it into the oven and cook for about 30 min. 

Dig in! We made this during the summer, and it was even better with fresh tomato, but since its winter now we didnt have any. Still great though!

Enjoy!
xoxo f&a

Dec. 8

So I have decided that I feel so much better when I let all this junk out when I write on here, and hopefully I will convince myself to do this more.

Today I have lots of house cleaning to do, along with laundry and the possibility of making some cookies with ash! =)  She wants to make some sugar cookies, and we'll use my mom's famous recipe, because she has it goin on when it comes to cookie making.  I think I'll also make some Oatmeal Raisin cookies that I found on this other blog, and they are amazing. I made them last week sometime, and they have now been chosen as the forever recipe for Oatmeal Raisin.   Thats something that we've been doing everytime I make a new kind of cookies or dessert of some sort.  We try new kinds untill we find one that we really like, and then we make that new recipe our 'family'  recipe. We were thinking that since we are a young family, we need to have some of the staples figured out by the time we have kids.  Which we dont deny might be in our near distant future.

But today when Jerrod gets home we are going to go to the store and buy some christmas lights and a tree stand, and all the other extras that we dont have so that we can set our christmas tree up tomorrow when we get back from Cave Junction. I am beyond excited.

I have been patiently waiting for the moment to put the tree in the stand, and to string the lights, and then hang the delicate little decorations.  So tomorrow is going to be great.  We are going to look at a possible house that we have been thinking about putting an offer in on.  Its perfect.  6.2 acres out in the woods, and its super cute and perfect for us. :)  So hopefully the appt goes well tomorrow so we can offer on it and maybe make it our forever home. :)

OH! and today I think we are going to have Homemade Mac&Cheese with bacon.  I love the taste of all the real melted cheeses and the smokey bacon bits.  Can you say YUM.  I think I might do something along the lines of what The Brown Eyed Baker did in their Grown Up Mac and Cheese. 


Well perhaps we'll remember to take some pictures of our creations today and i'll remember to post them.

Have a great day!

xoxo

To Jerrod ♥

Sometimes on nights like these when I sleep won't find me, while you are silently breathe, in and out.  You are so peaceful when your sleeping, sometimes I hate to move in fear of disturbing you. Somenights it seems that you can find sleep so easily, you just lay your head back and position your arms in the same way every night, and within minutes, your breathing changes, and you start to breathe deeper, slower.  Often you murmer, mostly nonsense things, and other times you talk about me, to me.  You mumble sweet things and snuggle up, almost making sure that I am still in the bed, I often wonder if I wasnt there, would that startle you enough to wake up. 
I lay here often and wonder what the future has in store for us.  There were times I never thought you would come into my life, and now your here and have been for almost 3 years.  Its amazing how fast time flys and yet seems to creep by.  We have come such a long way from where we started, emotionally, physically, financially.   We may be broke and scraping by sometimes but I know that this low will make us stronger as a couple.  If we can make it through times of monetary distress, then when we are living more comfortable we will be content and secure. 
We have built our relationship on trust, and honesty, and the simple fact of being true to eachother.  Being true to your partner is more the being faithful.  Its being who you are no matter who is around.  I know that I can be me with you whenever and wherever we are. 
I love knowing that you love me just as much as when I'm cooking in my sweats to when we get dressed up.  Thank you for everything.  You make it possible for me to express myself, and allow me to love and be loved.